you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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