the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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