Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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