ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
This baby is an asshole
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
