DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
