I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just got carded by a ten year old.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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