I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
