That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
