i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
