best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
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