I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
you made out with another girl for some wings
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize