I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize