I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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