Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
