I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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