Your face is a jimmy john
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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