I think my vagina is haunted
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
