I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
