Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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