Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
where does the pee come out of this thing
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize