With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
bring money and cleavage
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
