Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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