he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize