508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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