The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
