That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
