I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I want you more than these girls want KFC
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
