remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
