So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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