someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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