Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
