I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
