my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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