Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My pussy is not your playground.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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