A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize