Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize