Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
nutella sex= disaster
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
