Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize