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i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
FUCK WHALES
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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