So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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