Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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