Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
