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I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
someone owes me an orgasm
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
