we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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