Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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