when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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