she woke up with a sticky ear
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
