Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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