it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
