Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
