Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
