I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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