having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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