Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize