yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
