Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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