I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize