So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
