Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
