Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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