she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
