Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
