Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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