; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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