i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
