12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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