I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
