Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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