Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
