tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
