She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
