How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
