just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
