barbara walters just said penis...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
